One thing that I know that Mitch struggles with is the fact that the last couple years of his life turned out far differently than he had ever imagined. To him, this means that he "wasted" time in "misjudging" his ex. He questions his decisions and choices and is pretty hard on himself about it
Many years ago, both his Mom and I warned him that he should get out of the relationship. Not that she was a horrible person or anything, but because she was really young and had one hell of a childhood. However, nothing that she or I could say was going to change his mind and we decided that we were going to just support his decision, because of our love for him. But I couldn't shake the feeling that something was not going to end well. But, being a supportive friend, I kept my mouth shut and even had him (and his fiance) come visit me in North Carolina when I was there for work training. My initial impression of her was good, as she was a nice and intelligent girl, and we had a good time... but I still couldn't shake that "weird" feeling.
Unfortunately, not to my surprise, things went sour after their wedding (which sadly, I couldn't attend due to my family responsibilities) and ultimately, they ended up getting a divorce. I think the experience in and of itself really injured Mitch and while I am sad that he had to go through the experiences that he did, I am secretly relieved that things came crashing down prior to them having kids or buying a house. (And if they were still together, we couldn't be).
Where Mitch questions his decisions, I feel that they were all justified at the time. We, as humans, oftentimes follow our hearts and though he is a very logical and thoughtful person, sometimes we make choices that end up being bad ones due to circumstances beyond our control. What happened with his (ex) wife was completely beyond his control, in spite of his best efforts...and if we didn't have the journey that lead us here, we might not be here. I sincerely believe that it was the journey that lead us to each other - not just the fact that we've loved and known each other for 20+ years. Without the insanity and painful experiences - we might not be where we are today.
As for myself - I do not regret any of my relationship choices. Although I have been married twice before, I cannot regret those choices. When I got married the first time, I was young and stupid. I had delusions of grandeur about the person I was with and a rosy vision of the future that never came to fruition (except for ONE huge component).
I got my eldest daughter, Z, out of that marriage. And for that, I do not have regrets. She saved me from a dark time in my life and I am forever thankful that she came when she did. I learned so much from that marriage - mostly about what I wanted and didn't want in a relationship and about what kind of person (and wife/mother) that I wanted to continue to be. I grew up because of this relationship and changed as a person. Going into the marriage, I was very irresponsible and immature. I didn't have direction in my life and wasn't on a clear path. However, when I left him (when Z was 6 weeks old), I was empowered, changed, and had a far better idea of what it was that I wanted out of life. These lessons are invaluable and I do not regret a THING.
I got my youngest, E, from my second marriage. When I met J, he was everything that I wanted/needed at the time. He was a single Dad (to a girl about 9 months older than Z), had a clear vision of what he wanted for the future, and took to loving Z almost immediately. In fact, when she met him for the first time, she called him "Daddy" (she was 2.5 years old!) and I felt that was such a big sign that being with him was the "right" thing to do.
Our marriage was really great for awhile. Sure, we had our ups and downs but things worked really well. We both got promoted at our jobs and bought a house... we challenged each other emotionally and intellectually and I feel that we both grew as people. A few years into the marriage, we went through a rough patch but managed to get through it - after nearly 6 months of uncomfortable and difficult times. Then, two years later, everything fell to pieces and we ended up separating. We've now been living separately for a few years but I do not look back with regret. Sure, we made some stupid choices and mistakes. Sure, things got rough for awhile. Sure, it was HARD work at times to just make things work. But in the time that we were married, I graduated with a BA in Psychology, had a great daughter, and learned so many things about ourselves, life in general, and what we wanted.
I don't think that I would be the strong woman I am today had it not been for the experiences that I've had and the people I've encountered. I would not know the things I do about life, love, and even finances, had it not been for my marriages. I can now say, with absolute certainty, the qualities I want in a partner and what I don't.
When Mitch and I met when we were thirteen, there was definitely attraction and feelings. We managed to see each other several times during college but then things kind of fell by the wayside due to me having to leave school. Mitch asked me why we didn't try and go to the same college and honestly, I don't have any idea why we didn't try to. Probably because at the time, we were young and at the time, I knew that we were too young to really make things work. And when I had to leave Oxy, I didn't even THINK to message Mitch and show up at his school. I was pretty ashamed of the situation and in denial about the situation as well as what the future might have held. Besides, as I've said before, had we tried to make things work, things could have gone horribly wrong.
SO babe, if you're reading this, don't look back in anger... look forward with excitement. We have so many good things on the horizon and I couldn't be happier. I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together.
